There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
