cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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