oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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