Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
