I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
