and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize