my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
