it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
