The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
