swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
