So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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