before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
