Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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