So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
