Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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