woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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