Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
