Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
