finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
