So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
