my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
