if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
