ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
