i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
