I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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