i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
