And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
