someone threw a dead crab at me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
