I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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