My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
