I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So apparently I’m into choking now
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
