You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
