Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
