she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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