dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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