you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
