my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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