Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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