i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
