my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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