I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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