Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
