Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
