he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize