She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Houston, we have a squirter
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
