Need sex. Gaining weight.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
