If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
