sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
