I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
