Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize