Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize