youre lurking in front of me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think your dad took our porno
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
