im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
