You're a womanizer and a bitch.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
