my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
