i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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