I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
