Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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