Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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