I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
