Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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