True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
