I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
