guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
