im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
