Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
