then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
